I Nephi 7:21 - "I did frankly forgive them."

Next to “love” I think the most powerful word in the in the human language is “forgive.”  For most people forgiveness is something they quickly desire from others, but are not often willing to give to someone else.

Think about Nephi for a minute.  His brothers, Laman and Lemuel had already beaten him with a rod (which I think would be only slightly less bulky than a baseball bat!), they had just tied him up and left him in the wilderness to be “devoured by wild beasts.”  Think about how easy it would have been for Nephi to hold a grudge, harbor hatred and look for ways to “get even with his brothers.”  After all, it wasn’t as if he wasn’t justified.  He endured some very malicious and severe behavior from his older brothers.

But what is the example Nephi sets for all of us?  The scripture makes it pretty clear, “I did frankly forgive them.”  (I Nephi 7:21)  I love the use of the word “frankly” … he didn’t just forgive them, but he forgave them “frankly.”  The definition of the word “frankly” is this: straightforward; sincere; direct; unmistakable; freely.  So you can understand that Nephi didn’t “almost” forgive them, or say he forgave them but then didn’t, or say “I might forgive, but I’ll never forget.”  He said he “did frankly forgive them” which means he forgave them sincerely, unmistakably and freely.  I believe these five words in the Book of Mormon teach a powerful lesson on how we should approach forgiveness.

You may ask yourself this question; “Would I be willing to forgive my brothers of these wrongs?”  I think the way to discover this answer is to ask how willing you are to forgive others of the things they do to you.  For example; what if someone tells your friends a hurtful lie about you?  What if someone calls you a name behind your back and it gets back to you?  What if someone borrows something valuable to you and then breaks it?  What if someone treats you rudely and tells others not to be your friend?  What if someone “steals” your best friend and turns them against you?  What if your self-worth is crushed by vulgar expressions of hurtful words?  These are the moments in our lives when we have to have the courage of Nephi and forgive others … as hard as that may seem. 

I’ve seen from experience that people who can’t let go of “grudges” or can’t forgive someone else’s actions are most often the ones who lose the most.  I remember many years ago when I was serving as a counselor, our Stake Presidency visited a home in our stake where a man had been wronged.  He had every right to be upset because what happened to him “wasn’t right.”  Despite all the evidence he shared about being justified in his feelings, President Casaday, our Stake President, gave some very wise counsel to him that day.  He said, “You need to let it go and not let it consume you.”  Those were very wise words that were not the counsel the man was hearing from others.  Others were telling him to “get even” and to “get back” at the offenders.  I wish I could say that he was able to follow President Casaday’s advice, but sadly he didn’t find it possible to let it go and it continued to consume him.  I watched closely over the following weeks, months, and years.  What I noticed was how this man wasted so much time and futile energy just trying to justify himself.  Had he used that time and energy to build important relationships, to be productive, and to help others, think of how much happier and fulfilled he would have been.  But, what I witnessed was a continual and underlying anger that was very consuming and destructive. 

Are you holding any grudges or hard feelings that are holding you back from being all you can be?  If you are, I would beg you to forgive and move on. 

One of the greatest talks I ever heard on forgiveness was given in General Conference in April 2007 by President James E. Faust, who was serving as 2^nd Counselor in the First Presidency.  In it he shared the tragic story of the murder of several innocent Amish school children and the remarkable story that followed.  I’d like to share some of his talk with you:

In the beautiful hills of Pennsylvania, a devout group of Christian people live a simple life without automobiles, electricity, or modern machinery. They work hard and live quiet, peaceful lives separate from the world. Most of their food comes from their own farms. The women sew and knit and weave their clothing, which is modest and plain. They are known as the Amish people.

A 32-year-old milk truck driver lived with his family in their Nickel Mines community. He was not Amish, but his pickup route took him to many Amish dairy farms, where he became known as the quiet milkman. Last October he suddenly lost all reason and control. In his tormented mind he blamed God for the death of his first child and some unsubstantiated memories. He stormed into the Amish school without any provocation, released the boys and adults, and tied up the 10 girls. He shot the girls, killing five and wounding five. Then he took his own life.

This shocking violence caused great anguish among the Amish but no anger. There was hurt but no hate. Their forgiveness was immediate. Collectively they began to reach out to the milkman’s suffering family. As the milkman’s family gathered in his home the day after the shootings, an Amish neighbor came over, wrapped his arms around the father of the dead gunman, and said, “We will forgive you.”  Amish leaders visited the milkman’s wife and children to extend their sympathy, their forgiveness, their help, and their love. About half of the mourners at the milkman’s funeral were Amish. In turn, the Amish invited the milkman’s family to attend the funeral services of the girls who had been killed. A remarkable peace settled on the Amish as their faith sustained them during this crisis.

One local resident very eloquently summed up the aftermath of this tragedy when he said, “We were all speaking the same language, and not just English, but a language of caring, a language of community, [and] a language of service. And, yes, a language of forgiveness.”  It was an amazing outpouring of their complete faith in the Lord’s teachings in the Sermon on the Mount: “Do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.”

The family of the milkman who killed the five girls released the following statement to the public:

“To our Amish friends, neighbors, and local community:

“Our family wants each of you to know that we are overwhelmed by the forgiveness, grace, and mercy that you’ve extended to us. Your love for our family has helped to provide the healing we so desperately need. The prayers, flowers, cards, and gifts you’ve given have touched our hearts in a way no words can describe. Your compassion has reached beyond our family, beyond our community, and is changing our world, and for this we sincerely thank you.

“Please know that our hearts have been broken by all that has happened. We are filled with sorrow for all of our Amish neighbors whom we have loved and continue to love. We know that there are many hard days ahead for all the families who lost loved ones, and so we will continue to put our hope and trust in the God of all comfort, as we all seek to rebuild our lives.” 

How could the whole Amish group manifest such an expression of forgiveness? It was because of their faith in God and trust in His word, which is part of their inner beings. They see themselves as disciples of Christ and want to follow His example.

Hearing of this tragedy, many people sent money to the Amish to pay for the health care of the five surviving girls and for the burial expenses of the five who were killed. As a further demonstration of their discipleship, the Amish decided to share some of the money with the widow of the milkman and her three children because they too were victims of this terrible tragedy.

Most of us need time to work through pain and loss. We can find all manner of reasons for postponing forgiveness. One of these reasons is waiting for the wrongdoers to repent before we forgive them. Yet such a delay causes us to forfeit the peace and happiness that could be ours. The folly of rehashing long-past hurts does not bring happiness.

(James E. Faust; The Healing Power of Forgiveness; April 2007; General Conference)

I believe the thing that allowed both Nephi and the Amish to forgive others of such heinous and revolting actions against them was their faith in the teachings of the “Prince of Peace,” Jesus Christ. 

Perhaps the greatest measure of forgiveness took place nearly 2000 years ago on a lonely hill called “Calvary.”  There the only perfect man to walk the earth was as wrongly accused of any man who ever lived.  He gave sight to the blind, he healed the lame, he raised the dead … but all the Pharisee’s and Sadducee’s could see was hate and rage.  Their hate wouldn’t end until the very God of this world was put to death in the most humiliating and painful method known to man – crucifixion.  But even there, hanging on the cross in agony as they fought over his clothes and mocked him, He looked on the people and simply said,

“Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”  (Luke 23:34)  

If the Savior, Himself, could forgive while enduring the pains of death, can’t we be more like Him and forgive those who may have offended us in situations much less monumental?  It’s my prayer that we can all look to the example of the Amish, of Nephi and of our perfect example; the Lord, Jesus Christ, and look for ways to “frankly forgive.”